How I envy not having worries

I saw this young mother and her friend in a small playground behind a school last Saturday having a grand old time with their kids. I approached her and asked if I could photograph her little boy. He’s probably three-ish. She obliged but warned me he knew what a camera was and how to avoid one. I sort of chased him around taking a handful of shots until I got one I liked. This isn’t quite the pose I was hoping for, but it’s the best I could get with the time I had. The photo walks group had already moved on down the street and I didn’t want to lose them. I should have probably switched my camera to continuous shooting mode and did the old “pray and spray” move, but I just took one shot at a time. My aperture was set to F5.6 because I was worried about missing focus if the depth of field was any more shallow. Wider apertures (smaller F-stop values) create a shallow depth of field, which is great for portraits but not so much for subjects that won’t hold still. All in all I’m happy with this shot. I should have gotten the mother’s email so I could send it to her. Oh well.

One thing that struck me reviewing this photo in Lightroom was the notion that this little boy hasn’t a worry in the world. I can’t even begin to imagine what that’s like. I’m on my third glass of red wine this evening and I’m still amped up with anxiety. And trust me, I have no reason to be anxious about anything. Right now I’m watching a documentary about, of all things, the inside world of waitressing. Frankly, it’s fascinating. Either that or it’s the wine, I don’t know which. At this point in the documentary we’re following along with a group of waitresses who work in high-end Paris restaurants. And as always, this has gotten my mind onto the notion of travelling. The moment I have a couple of drinks in me and the subject of travelling comes up, I get all messed up. I feel like I’m living this wonderful life I’ve made for myself, but it’s not mine. I wasn’t put here for this. I am bound to a reality that is killing me, one day at a time. I just want to liquidate all my assets and see the whole world — twice! Or maybe I’m running away from something and I won’t realize it until I wake up one morning in another land and discover it’s me in the mirror. I honestly could frikkin’ scream right now. I just want off this ride to nowhere. So there you have it. Another Friday night inside my head. Enjoy.

Advertisement