Ya know, I really like this shot. It might even make the cut for my upcoming black & white book. The spill of light from the top right, the texture in the pavement, the people in the top left. It just scratches an itch for me. Of course, your mileage may vary.

I got talking with a co-worker today about travel. New York, specifically. She’s a young Asian woman, 23 years old. I see such a bright future for her. She works hard and is charming as all get out. And she lights up the room. We’re lucky to have her. Anyway, she was mentioning how she’s been to New York plenty of times. Really made me think how I’ve been there only once, when I was a child. Man, there are so many places I want to see, especially now that I have photography. Many times over the past three years I’ve considered selling everything and simply travelling the world with a camera.

FYI I’ve got, like, two large glasses of wine under my belt, which always makes me romanticize about travel.

It seems I’ve spent my life building a safety box, aka parameters, where I can live a life sans risk. The problem is, on my deathbed I know I’ll look back and regret not relenting to the tide that’s pulling at me. I’ve already made one very major change in my life — I went from being a self-employed general contractor to an administrator in the financial sector. If you really knew the type of person I am you’d understand how incredible that is. I can’t stand change, or risk, or the unknown. I need a level of comfort. Yet, somehow I managed to completely change the course of my life.

The most incredible part is that I am happy — relatively speaking.

But the real change that’s pulling on me is this need to cut my ties to this city and this country and to “home.” I see myself living and working in different cities around the globe for no more than six months at a time. Ideally, the work would be part time only, affording me the time to explore and photograph. I want to be free! But freedom takes money and my money’s tied up in a house. The idea of cutting that tie is the scariest thing I’ve ever considered. But here I am on a Friday night alone with a belly full of wine and all I can do is dream of a future unfulfilled. It would be easy to get depressed thinking of such things, but instead I can at least appreciate that the life I currently live is above average, and that having dreams is better than having nothing. Still, there’s a big ol’ world out there yet to be explored…at least by me.

It seems I’m at a stage in my life where I no longer know who I am. Best described, I am between the person I was and the person I aspire to be. I am in a holding pattern, waiting to break out. I hope I figure it out before it’s too late.

This entry was posted in Black & White Photography, Street Photography, Toronto, Urban Photography, Winter Photography and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

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