Things I learned when I was that age

Things I learned when I was that age: How the things to be afraid of don’t hide in a dark closet; how to be silent in the face of rage; how to not stand out; how to run; how to hide; how to keep down expectations; how to swallow emotions, and pride, and blood; how to accept not being accepted; how to eat pain; how to play alone.

When I got older I turned most of those things around and now those scars are but faint reminders of damage long healed.

Things I know at my age now: How to wear a strong face when feeling small; how to conceal sadness behind laughter; how to let go; how to run with the black dogs; how to dance with disappointment…

How to accept that in the end the things I want most in life won’t work out;

Sometimes in the wee hours before dawn, when stars still rule the night sky, I stand out on my back deck wrapped in silence and wonder what I did so wrong… when I was that age. Once, I looked up at a half full moon and thought I saw hope on its face.

I’m sure I must have been dreaming.

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9 Responses to Things I learned when I was that age

  1. Frances says:

    Awesome pics…love the red, the streetcar, the kids hat – the cuteness and most of all your sentiments. I feel like that too sometimes and today just happens to be one of those days!

  2. melissakoski says:

    Beautiful photographs. Your post was beautiful and hauntingly sad…very moving. (I’m crying in a public library like an ass.)

  3. Thanks Frances and Melissa. I really don’t know where that came from tonight. I suppose my heart’s been feeling a tad heavy of late.

  4. melissakoski says:

    I think it’s good to feel your feelings. Hope it helps you sleep a bit more too.

  5. Chloe says:

    i’m not sure what exactly happened to you at a young age
    but noone deserves to feel that way, at any age
    i hope you’re okay and realise your potential & how much you have to give as a person
    you’re a lovely guy Dave

    i really like the innocence you captured in the young child

  6. Great pics, great (haunting) post. Inspires me to think of “what I didn’t know then / what I know now” pics which I can take in future (but unsure if I will be able to blog something that personal).

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