Is this what love looks like?

VivianMaier-538-EDITED

When I saw this scene unfolding, from the rooftop of the snack bar at Nathan Phillips Square (Toronto City Hall), I have to admit it made my heart ache a little. For the past four years I’ve been alone and frankly gotten pretty used to it. I have not experienced a new relationship for well over ten years, to be honest. I think you can unlearn things, given enough time away from them. You can get to a point where you realize one day, I don’t know how to do that anymore. And although the idea seems entirely appealing from a distance, in actuality you grow afraid of it, of failure. Worse yet, is having no one to discuss it with. You work. You socialize. You take care of your responsibilities. And you learn how to keep the emptiness at bay, in the shadows. You become comfortable not taking chances. What’s the point, you figure. Years go by and by some more and one day you wake up and realize you’ve expelled the entire experience of love from your heart. But in actuality, you don’t realize this. It just happens and you are unaware of it. It’s only when someone does come along that you are suddenly made aware of just how fucked up you are. It looks so easy in the movies. I suppose everything does, right? Here in the real world, though, it’s much more difficult. When I look at this photo I wonder what it must be like to love someone and be loved back.

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6 Responses to Is this what love looks like?

  1. a_wally says:

    Excellently seen piece! For me all your work has great depth and emotion to it!

  2. smile breathe and go slowly says:

    a beautiful intimate moment captured 🙂 thank you for being so open with your words,as well…vulnerability is a scary thing…even when there IS someone in your life

    • Thanks. Actually, there is someone new in my life at the moment. I’m not sure where it’s going. Too early to tell. I don’t want to fuck it up, but I really don’t know how to do this anymore. She’s beautiful and funny and sweet and down to earth. I’m just taking it one day at a time. The whole thing makes me tremendously nervous. Oh well.

      • smile breathe and go slowly says:

        oooh sweet! one day at a time and with openness and love . I’ve been in a relationship for a year and a half and I still find myself peeling back layers of vulnerability and fear. Thankfully, my guy ‘gets’ it and is patient and sweet with me. There is no ‘rule’ about how to do this love thing. You only have to be true to you and be honest…and it will work or it won’t. ( but at least you’ll know you were truly YOU) blah blah…i ramble…enjoy the ride 🙂

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